i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize