I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
