I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
