I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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