woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
