She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
