new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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