you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
