Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
