weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
