Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
