I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That accounts for only three of the penises
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
