I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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