Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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