yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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