i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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