xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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