his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
