this just has baby written all over it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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