D3 body, D1 cock
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
