I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Holy sore nipples Batman
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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