Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
