So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
