girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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