Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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