Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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