Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize