Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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