Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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