Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This baby is an asshole
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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