can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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