WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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