Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
