that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just high enough for therapy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
