We won't sleep together?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
