did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
