Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
