yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You ruined the universe
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
