bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
