I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
