I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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