are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
