I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
