i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
