this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
