Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
