It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
