I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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