Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
