Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
