I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's always time for handjobs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
