Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
