You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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