I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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