when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
