Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
