Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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