I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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