Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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