I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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