Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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