Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
