You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
