a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
