I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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