I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
