I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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