dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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