respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
