I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
