Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
