Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
