you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
