I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
