Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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