He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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