Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
