I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
