Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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