This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
