In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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